


The Bunny Returns

by SpotsofTea95



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, I'll spoiler if I tag any more, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, OT12 (EXO), Sad with a Happy Ending
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-23
Updated: 2019-07-15
Packaged: 2020-05-18 11:00:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19333207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpotsofTea95/pseuds/SpotsofTea95
Summary: Sequel to 'Crashing Waves' by Starinlight (permission was given by the author)This story takes place immediately after Junmyeon’s funeral. The boys are grieving their guardian and Yifan decides that a change of scenery might help them heal. Distance doesn't help them, but something else might bring them closer together again.





	1. Yifan

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Starinlight](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Starinlight/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Crashing Waves](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6028297) by [Starinlight](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Starinlight/pseuds/Starinlight). 



> The inspiration for this story hit me out of nowhere after I finished reading ‘Crashing Waves’ by starinlight (can be found on AFF and AO3 under the same name). My story is a sequel to hers, it takes ideas and sometimes even short quotes from it, so I’d really recommend reading hers first because otherwise mine might not make much sense (you won’t understand the finer details and her story is amazing). 
> 
> I asked permission from her to post this story, seeing as it is a sequel and she was kind enough to grant it. Therefore, I would like to dedicate this story to her. Starinlight, if you’re reading this, your story was amazing to read and thank you again for allowing me to post my story.
> 
> I proofread this myself, so I probably missed a few errors, sorry for those. I really hope you enjoy reading my story and please consider commenting once you’ve finished reading this chapter, I’d love to hear your thoughts. 
> 
> Have a lovely day (or night) everybody!! ^^

“I know it’s horrible, Yifan, but life goes on. You have your own life, your own _career_ that you need to take care of right now. It’s tragic, and I understand that you were good friends at one point but staying in Korea won’t bring him back. You have responsibilities here, schedules that have been arranged months prior to this that you can’t just-,” At about this point, Yifan decided to simply ignore his manager’s erratic rambling, lest he interrupt the man with a few choice words of his own.

_‘Life goes on.’_

Yes, it would. It had to.

For everyone but their beloved Junmyeon, who they’d buried just earlier that day after the younger’s sudden death (he refused to acknowledge that it was so clearly a suicide) a few days ago. Yifan himself was still in the white suite he’d worn to the funeral, for the members had just returned to EXO’s dorm, after a collective decision that none of them would want to be alone today. They’d barely stepped through the door when Yifan’s phone had started ringing, and after recognising the caller, he’d quickly excused himself and stepped out on the dorm’s balcony, so as to deal with his manager in peace. And he was right to do so, for the man proved to be anything but tactful in the face of the loss Yifan had just endured. But then again, his manager also didn’t know of the feelings he’d harboured for Junmyeon for years now (they had started to develop back in their trainee days already, if he was to be completely honest with himself). Feelings that he’d never told Junmyeon anything about.

Feelings that he’d now never even have the chance to tell Junmyeon anything about.

Lost chances. Missed opportunities. So, so, so many regrets.

With a mental shake, he refocused his attention on his manager’s faux-compassionate voice who was still trying to _‘make him see reason’_. Enough was enough, he’d rather not listen to this man’s yapping anymore. Not now. Not after what happened. And if that cost him his career, well, then so be it.

“I’m staying with my brothers! They are my first priority. EXO needs me right now. Goodbye.” “But Yi-!” Lowering the phone from his ear, Yifan had to resist the sudden violent urge to simply chuck his phone off the balcony, so he would never have to speak with that man ever again. How dare he act as if Yifan’s world hadn’t collapsed in on itself! How dare he brush of Junmyeon’s sui- _death_ … Junmyeon’s death as if it was a mere inconvenience. How could this heartless-.

_Deep breath. In and out. In and out. Stay calm._

Instead of trashing his phone like every fibre in his body was begging him to, so as to finally have an outlet, no matter how small, for the bottomless anguish trapped inside his entire being, he merely switched it to silent mode, before safely pocketing the device once more. After all, no matter how much he wanted to rage, to break down into tears and ugly sobs, like the others had at the funeral earlier that day, he couldn’t. They needed him to be strong right now. His boys, their boys needed him now that they’d lost Junmyeon. After all, who’d console them if he too broke under the immense emotional pain.

No, he couldn’t give in. No matter how much he threatened to drown (any second now) in the crippling guilt of countless ‘What-ifs’: What if he’d kept in contact with Junmyeon? What if he’d told him about his feelings? What if he hadn’t been such a coward, but instead had owned up to his feelings? Then maybe Jun would still be-.

He stopped himself there. His manager might be an insensitive moron, but the man was right when he’d said that nothing that Yifan could do at this point, would ever be able to bring Junmyeon back to him. He’d lost his chance the day he’d decided to leave without so much as a goodbye. With a deep and shaky sight, Yifan quickly wiped away the tears that had at one point started streaming down his face in tiny rivulets. He couldn’t break down, not now, maybe not ever. Not as long as his boys needed him to be strong.

It was truly ironic how it took Junmyeon’s death to bring them all together once again, Yifan mused. However, he wasn’t foolish enough to believe that all the mistakes of the past years were magically resolved in the face of their dearly beloved guardian’s death. Oh, no. It would take months, maybe years, and countless fights, arguments, and heart-to-hearts to restore the bonds that had once been so strong between them. However, those were thoughts for other days, right now emotions were running high, everyone searching for an outlet for the intense emotional pain they were all experiencing, and with the eleven of them huddled together in the dorm it would only be a matter of time before fights would inevitably occur.

EXO’s dorm. Another source of pain for Yifan. Not because of its familiarity though. Since his departure a few years ago, EXO had moved dorms quite a few times as their popularity skyrocketed. However, this had been Junmyeon’s home. Traces of him could be found wherever one looked: a forgotten, and now ownerless book on the coffee table in the living room; a discarded dance shirt, carelessly thrown next to the hamper in the bathroom which was then promptly forgotten in his haste to clean the sweat off; a cup of stale fruit juice placed next to Sehun’s bed, for even if the younger had insisted he move out of the shared room (one of their Maknae’s biggest regrets if he’d understood the almost incoherent screams and apologies inside the funeral house correctly), Junmyeon’s chaos still tended to follow him everywhere.

He couldn’t break down.

Wiping away the last of his tears, he took a deep breath and mentally steeled himself for the emotional torment that was waiting for him inside the dorm. He’d spent way too long outside, for all he knew they might already be at each other’s throats in their grief. He fully expected to hear crying, muted conversations, or even the first inklings of the arguments that were inevitably bound to happen; however, he was not prepared do be met with an eerie silence as he stepped over the threshold.

It was as if all the inhabitants had also just decided to cease existing now that their friend and brother was no more. It was this thought, no matter how irrational that urged Yifan to run into the shared living room as fast as he could, wanting to reassure himself that the others were fine, that they had not up and left him as well. His hasty entrance startled a few of the members, but most of them took no note of him, too absorbed in their own thought, their own pain, to even notice their immediate surroundings. Yixing was one of those. After his break-down at the funeral earlier, he was now sitting on the big couch surrounded by their Maknaes who’d fallen asleep on his thighs after they’d exhausted themselves with their endless crying. Yixing was absentmindedly petting Sehun and Zitao’s hair while Jongin was sitting on the ground in front of them hugging his huyng’s left leg in an attempt to find comfort.

None of them would find it though. Not here. Not when Junmyeon’s presence was still so obvious, so strong, as if he could walk right through their front door at any given moment. Oh, how they wished he would. What they’d give to have their adorable leader back, so they could tell him how much he meant to them, how sorry they were for their behaviour these last months (years?).

Trying and failing to swallow the sudden lump in his throat, Yifan averted his eyes from the front door (when had they strayed there?) and looked instead at his boys. All in various states and stages of shock, grief, and denial. Unable to process, to accept the situation, this nightmare they were all trapped in, with no hope of ever waking from it.

They couldn’t stay here. It suddenly felt as if the walls were slowly closing in on him, he felt hot and cold in quick succession and for one fleeting moment he thought he’d faint.

_Be strong! Breathe!_

Turning away from the group in order to not draw any attention to himself, Yifan took a few moments to compose himself, taking deep breaths to keep the panic attack he was about to have at bay. They couldn’t stay. If he was reacting like this, then he didn’t want to know how Minseok and the others who’d lived here with Junmyeon must feel at the moment.

“We need to leave.”

It took him a moment to realise that he was the one who’d shattered the oppressive silence, and another to grasp the meaning of the words he’d said. By the time he’d turned back to the group seven pairs of eyes were trained on him, the expression in them varying from shocked, to confused, to angry-

“I meant all of us, not just the … the ex-members. Everything in this dorm is a reminder of what we’ve lost, and I think it would be better for us if we left this apartment, no, if we left Seoul for some time.” He prayed that they would understand, and as the anger he’d previously seen in Minseok’s eyes was replaced by understanding he quickly thanked his lucky stars. None of them wanted to invoke the wrath of their eldest after all; his muscles weren’t just for show. _Maybe-_

“Why bother? That won’t bring him back.” _Nope, his boys were not going to make this easy._

If they hadn’t seen his lips move, none of them would have believed that the weak, monotone voice really belonged to their normally loud and boisterous Happy Virus. Chanyeol, still clad in his pristine white suit like the rest of them, seemingly hadn’t even found the strength to sit in one of the vacant chairs. Instead, he sat slumped against one of the living room walls, having only managed a few steps through the front door before his legs had given out beneath him. His eyes were unfocused as he stared at the ground in front of himself; however, the anguish that was so clearly noticeable within them scared Yifan.

_Oh, Chanyeol. That is exactly why we need to leave!_

Strengthening his resolve, Yifan tried to put as much conviction as possible in his voice. He needed to get them out of there and fast, “No, it won’t, you’re right. But torturing ourselves here won’t achieve anything either and I doubt that Junmyeon would want us to suffer.”

Chanyeol didn’t respond, so Yifan simply took his silence as an agreement and turned back to their eldest to start discussing several possible locations the eleven of them could stay at for two to three weeks, when a near inaudible mumble drew his attention back to the younger rapper, “He should.”

Before Yifan or any of the others could even muster any kind of reaction or response, Chanyeol had already leaped to his feet and started screaming, “He should! He hates us, I know it! He must! How can he not, when it’s our fault that he … when it’s _my_ fault that …” As quickly as the manic energy had come, it seemed to leave him again and he crumpled to the ground with a heart-breaking sob followed by wails that startled even their exhausted maknaes awake. Baekhyun and Jongdae were the first to recover from the shock and quickly rushed to their friend’s side to console him, while Yixing whispered soothingly to their confused maknaes.

A few quick taps on his arm drew Yifan’s attention away from the still sobbing Chanyeol, and he turned to face an equally distraught Minseok. “You’re right, we need to leave, and I think I might have an idea as to where we could go.”


	2. Sehun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who read the first chapter, this one is a little shorter, but the next one should be longer. I'll probably update this story once a week (unless I get writer's block -.-). I'd like to say though that I intend to finish this story no matter what because I have a little follow up series planned that I'm really looking forward to. ^^
> 
> Again, I proofread this myself, so I probably missed a few errors, sorry for those. I really hope you enjoy reading my story and please consider commenting once you’ve finished reading this chapter, I’d really love to hear your thoughts.  
> Have a lovely day (or night) everybody!! ^^

“Are we there yet?” “If I hear that one more time you’re going to walk to the cabin by foot, Zitao,” Yifan growled back in answer as his hands tightened on the steering wheel of their van. Zitao gave a disgruntled little huff and snuggled back into Yixing’s shoulder, pouting and mumbling complaints about unfair treatment. Sehun mostly ignored his hyung’s childish behaviour and the conversations going on in the backrows of the car (which they’d “borrowed” from SM at “short notice”). His eyes were lazily tracking the progress of the other van ahead of them (Minseok was leading the way, along with Luhan, Chen, Kyungsoo, and Jongin), as it continuously disappeared and re-appeared from behind the snow-covered trees that seamed the winding, uneven earth road they were all currently following. He’d been pretty disoriented and confused when Chanyeol-hyung’s outburst had startled him awake back at the dorm, but apparently the majority of the group had decided that a vacation (or whatever this was supposed to be) would be the best course of action after the last few days and the funeral this morning.

This morning. Just this morning, they’d all said their final goodbyes to their beloved leader.

_Can you really call him your ‘beloved leader’ when you’ve only been spiteful and disrespectful towards him these last few months!? You were the one who called him useless, or have you already forgotten that? I believe your exact words were, ‘I don’t need to be told what to do by a useless leader like you’*-_

“Sehun, are you okay?” Yifan’s concerned voice (thankfully) managed to finally drown out the accusing voices in his head, and with a shaky gasp he realised that he’d started trembling and crying at one point. “’M fine.” He fixed his eyes back on the road and stubbornly ignored his hyungs’ concerned glances and the soft hand that started rubbing his shoulder from the backseat in an attempt to console him. He wasn’t the only one suffering, he knew that. That was, after all, the whole point of this trip (as far as he’d gathered from their conversations). However, no matter how much distance they put between them and Seoul, their dorm, or even Junmyeon-hyung’s grave, they’d never be able to outrun their memories, and the guilt that comes with them.

_‘I don’t need to be told what to do by a useless leader like you’*_

Those were the last words he’d ever said to his hyung. And he would have to live with that knowledge for the rest of his life. Just because he’d been too proud (too afraid and ashamed) to just talk with Junmyeon-hyung and to apologise, to explain to his lovable, adorable, little hyung (who’d only ever tried to help him and to look out for him) that he’d simply been stressed and angry because of their work (and due to his undisclosed feelings towards said hyung). That the words he’d so carelessly said that day were meaningless (and deeply regretted).

But he hadn’t. He hadn’t told him. He hadn’t apologised, or even explained himself. He’d been a coward and had let his poor hyung think that he hated him. That he neither needed nor wanted him in his life. It really couldn’t be farther from the truth, but it was too late … would always be too late now … was already too late when he’d made that phone call just after midnight on the newly turned Valentine’s day-

Why hadn’t he called sooner that night!?

_Oh yeah, because you wanted to be romantic and all that. Apologising just after midnight and then asking him to meet you later that day at the coffee place the two of you used to go to all the time (before you thought that the best way to deal with your feelings for him would be to either ignore or insult him). Because you know how much he loves silly romantic gestures like that-_

_Loved. Not love. Loved. He can’t love anything anymore. He’s gone. Junmyeon-hyung is gone, really gone. I can never tell him how sorry I am. How much he means to me. How much I lov-_

The hand squeezing his trembling shoulder in silent comfort brought him back to the present once again, just in time for him to realise that they’d finally arrived at their destination. Before any of them had the chance to say anything, he’d already unbuckled himself and jumped out of the car. Desperately trying to hold back a fresh wave of tears and to escape his hyungs’ concerned eyes.

He didn’t need their pity or their consolations. They couldn’t help him. Nothing could. Not when it was his own fault.

He quickly grabbed his luggage out of the boot and hurried towards the spacious and cosy lodge Minseok-hyung had suggested as their temporary home.

As it turned out, their eldest owned this remote mountain cabin which was located a few hours north of Seoul. He’d apparently stayed here with Changmin-sunbaenim before, who’d rented the property for a little get-away with his dongsaeng (had the situation not been so dire Sehun would have probably laughed his head off at the face Luhan had made upon hearing that). However, Minseok had fallen in love with the house and the scenery and had decided to buy the cabin immediately after returning from his vacation.

He brushed past said hyung, who was currently (half-heartedly) describing the cabin’s main features, as well as interesting locations near it to the rest of the group and headed inside and upstairs in search of a bedroom where he could finally curl up underneath some blankets and cry his heart out (again) in peace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * = direct quotation from "Crashing Waves" by Starinlight


	3. Chanyeol

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really like this chapter for some reason, hope you guys will like it too ^^ 
> 
> I proofread this myself, so I probably missed a few errors, sorry for those. I really hope you enjoy reading my story and please consider commenting once you’ve finished reading this chapter, I’d love to hear your thoughts.   
> Have a lovely day (or night) everybody!! ^^

_‘You’re such a shameless gold digger, Yeollie.’_

The fading echo of his hyung’s soft (weak and sad, why hadn’t he picked up on that!? Why hadn’t he cared!?) voice startled him out of his dreams (nightmares?) once again. Groaning, Chanyeol buried his head in his hands. That was the fourth time this night he’d been woken up by his dreams and it was still only just barely half past six o’clock in the morning. With another groan, he quietly slipped out of bed and searched for his suitcase to change into comfortable everyday clothes. No use wasting any more time in bed, he clearly wasn’t getting any good sleep tonight. Granted, he probably wouldn’t for months, but he’d never been somebody to look too far ahead. He lived in the moment (mostly) and left the planning and worrying to their managers and Junmyeon-hyu-

Ah, yes. He couldn’t do that anymore. None of them could.

Slipping into his favourite red hoody (Baekhyun had once offhandedly said that it really suited him), he threw a quick glance towards the other occupant of the room, Sehun. Nobody had dared to disturb their maknae after the two instances during the car ride yesterday, where he’d spaced out, trembling and whimpering quietly and oh so clearly hurting from the whole ordeal of the last few days. They were all plagued with their very own memories laden with guilt and ‘what-ifs’, but the way Sehun had cried throughout most of the night (calling out for their Junmyeon-hyung, pleading for his forgiveness) had broken Chanyeol’s heart over and over again, and he’d only been awake for some of it. Their youngest was still curled up in the same position he’d found him in yesterday evening, after they’d all silently agreed at dinner that they’d need some time to grief privately. However, the constant crying had finally stopped.

_He must have tired himself out, just like after the funeral._

Wishing his dongsaeng a few hours of dreamless reprieve, he quietly left their room and snuck down the stairs to the ground floor of the lodge, where the kitchen and the spacious living room were situated. He entertained the thought of brewing fresh coffee, but ultimately decided against it. The noise (or the smell) would probably wake the others and just because he couldn’t sleep didn’t mean he had to make the others suffer from the same fate. After all, reality would catch up with them soon enough once they were awake again. No need to take away the only few precious hours of peace they would get for a long, long time.

With an exhausted sighed he flopped down on one of the big couches in the living room that were facing the big, floor-to-ceiling sliding doors that lead out onto the terrace. From this position, he had a fantastic view of the sun that was just starting to rise over the forest’s snow-covered trees that surrounded the cabin on all sides.

Chanyeol was exhausted. Not the kind of exhaustion he and the others were used to though. The physical one they’d all felt after intense training sessions or concerts, where they’d given it their all and felt satisfied with themselves and their achievements at the end of the day. No, this was the type of exhaustion you felt only after your heart has been shattered to pieces and you’ve spent hours upon hours crying without reprieve. The one that made it seem like there was no use in going on anymore because there simply was nowhere left to go.

He quickly jumped back to his feet, forcefully directing his thoughts away from the path they would have inevitably followed, to a conclusion he wasn’t even going to consider. Not after what had happened. He needed to do something, anything, to keep his thoughts from straying again. Searching the room for any sort of distraction that wouldn’t in turn wake up the rest of his members, his eyes once again landed on the edge of the snowy woods, where he could make out a narrow, beaten track that led deeper into the forest. Hadn’t Minseok-hyung said that a small river was running through the forest about half a mile somewhere behind the cabin? Maybe he should give this whole ‘walking-alongside-a-river-to-alleviate-stress-thing’ Junmyeon-hyung had been so fond of a go. At the very least, hiking through the woods would probably distract him from his thoughts for some time.

“It’s worth a shot,” he concluded out loud before slipping outside through the glass doors (barely remembering to close them after himself) and hurrying towards the beaten track he’d seen from indoors. The icy winds that greeted him almost made him regret his impulsive decision of leaving without a padded jacket, but somehow the freezing temperatures managed to finally disperse the thoughts in his head, leaving his mind peacefully blank for the first time in what felt like ages. With a huge, relieved breath, he quickly stepped into the woods, making sure not to stray from the path, and started his search for the small mountain river.

 

* * *

 

 

“Definitely not one of my smarter ideas.”

By the time he’d finally found the river he was already frozen to the bone. To make matters worse, he’d found the damn thing by accidentally stepping into it because of the fact that most of it was still frozen over and covered with snow. Luckily, the section where he’d broken through the ice had been relatively shallow, and only his right sock and shoe were drenched now, but he was still worried about frostbite. Maybe he should just turn back now and pray that Minseok-hyung wouldn’t bite his head off for needlessly endangering himself.

_Maybe they aren’t even awake yet, but I’ll probably not be so lucky…_

So much so for a relaxing stroll alongside a mountain river. “Hyung, no offense, but your relaxation methods suck … or maybe that’s just my weird interpretations of them.” He temporarily forgot about the cold and the possibility of frostbite, too busy picturing his hyung’s reaction to his friendly jab, _‘That’s definitely your own fault, Yeollie.’_ “Yeah, yeah, it’s always my fault, I know,” he chuckled briefly as he closed his eyes and looked at the bright and (adorably) dorky smiling face of Junmyeon-hyung that his imagination had conjured up for him.

_When was the last time you smiled like that, Hyung? I can’t remember the last time I’ve seen you smile like this. When the happiness reached your eyes as well. Why did I not care!? Why didn’t I do anything!? Why did I just make it worse!?_

The smile had been replaced by tears as Chanyeol opened his eyes once again. “I’m sorry, Hyung. So, so sorry. For being a terrible friend, a terrible brother. You meant the world to me, even if I hardly ever showed you that. You were my role model, my inspiration to never give up, to always keep fighting, and look how I repaid your kindness.” With a broken sob, Chanyeol turned away from the stream and headed back to the track that lead him there, preparing mentally for the earful he’d probably get from their eldest and Yifan-hyung once he returned to the lodge.

A sudden, desperate shriek made him freeze up and whip his head around, into the direction of the sound. He hadn’t just imagined that, right? No, he couldn’t have. _But what-?_ He heard the shriek again, still as desperate if not even more so, and it seemed like it was coming from somewhere upstream. Without any further hesitation, Chanyeol started sprinting back to the river and towards the noise that started to sound even more desperate each time, an unexplainable sense of urgency quickening his steps.

He’d just rounded a huge boulder blocking his way, when the shrieking came to a sudden stop. He quickly scanned the surface of the river, noting absentmindedly that this section seemed deeper and more active than the shallow little stream he’d encountered just a little way downstream. He also noticed what resembled paw prints on the other side of the river leading up to one of the icy bridges that connected his side of the stream with the opposite side. The urgency he’d felt before doubled in intensity, telling him he needed to save whatever it was that had fallen into the water no matter what. _But why is it so important that-_

A renewed shriek directed his attention back to the river, and to a tiny white bunny that was desperately clinging to one of the rocks jutting out of the water, fighting not to be swept away. Chanyeol was frozen to the spot for a few long seconds, just staring at the poor creature struggling in the freezing water, too small and weak to be any match for the rapid current, before the bunny looked in his direction and weakly cried for help, wordlessly begging him not to let it drown. _Not again._

Before he could even think about it, he’d jumped in.


	4. Minseok

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for being late. I was in London last week for Monsta X's concert and didn't feel like writing afterwards. But I'm back now and quite happy with the way this chapter came out. ^^  
> Thanks to everyone who left kudos on this, bookmarked it, left a comment, or simply just read it, you're the best! 
> 
> And again, I proofread this myself, so I probably missed a few errors, sorry for those. I really hope you enjoy reading my story and please consider commenting once you’ve finished reading this chapter, I’d love to hear your thoughts on it.  
> Have a lovely day (or night) everybody!! ^^

* * *

 

_“Hello, Manager-nim? What’s wrong, have we forgotten a schedule?” Odd, wasn’t this supposed to be their free day?_

_And come to think of it, why call him and not Junmyeon?_

_“Minseok-shi, … ah … you see…”_

_He’d never heard his manager sound like this, voice raspy and heavy with- ‘Has he been crying!?’ A sudden cold shiver ran down his spine, unexplainable dread filling his stomach, knotting it up. Cold sweat started to well up immediately after, and for a split second he wanted to fling his phone a cross the room and to clamp his hands over his ears, to block out his manager’s voice as well as the rest of the world. Something terrible had happened. He knew it, could feel it._

_‘But why call me and not Jun-?’_

_Oh, no …_

_No, no, no, no, … please, no …_

_“It’s about Junmyeon, Minseok-shi, he …”_

_The rest of the sentence, of the conversation, of the entire day that followed was a blur in his mind now. He felt like a bystander. Cold, numb, and detached from his own body and its feelings. He couldn’t quite remember the reactions of the others once he’d told them, couldn’t remember the tears that welled up in his own eyes and that wouldn’t stop streaming down his face for hours to come._

_The pain had come gradually. A deep ache from where his heart was, slowly spreading all over his body, growing in intensity, until he almost hadn’t been able to breathe anymore. He remembered curling up in his bed, shaking and crying soundlessly even though all he wanted to do was to scream his lungs out. But the pain made that impossible. He didn’t know how the others were faring. Couldn’t even muster the energy to worry about them._

 

* * *

“Jup, you’re a fine hyung, aren’t you? You've proved as much with Junmyeon.”

With a tired, dejected sigh, Minseok grabbed for his freshly brewed cup of coffee. Taking a careful sip, he basked in the taste of one of his favourite drinks, gratefully accepting all the comfort he could get from it. He’d initially hesitated to brew himself a cup. After all, it had only been a little after seven o’clock when he’d gotten up; however, the thought of dealing with all the memories and his guilt without his morning dose of caffeine quickly made him throw caution to the wind. The others would simply have to deal with it, should the noise wake them up. He needed his coffee. A caffeine deprived Minseok was dangerous and the rest of EXO knew that very well, so he most likely wouldn’t get any complaints from any of them. At least not if they valued their own lives that is. (Kyungsoo, obviously, was an exception to this rule, but his dongsaeng luckily had a soft spot for him, so he wasn’t too terribly worried.)

But even the hottest coffee could merely be a cold comfort to him now.

Why did this have to happen? _Oh, you know why. Don’t even pretend like you don’t know exactly why he killed himself!_

 _‘… killed himself…,’_ their manager had said.

Not an accident, but … suicide. Junmyeon had decided to end his life, he didn’t just die (they found the sleeping pills on the hotel bed; freshly bought, but way too many pills missing). He’d wanted to die.

Had wanted to get away from the pain.

From them.

… they had been the source of his pain, hadn’t they? _Of course, you are. You’ve treated him like dirt for so long and now you’re surprised by his actions!? You were supposed to be his hyung, you should have taken care of him, should have helped him, especially after Yifan, Luhan, and Zitao left, but you haven’t. You were so absorbed in your own little world that you completely neglected your ‘precious’ dongsaeng._

_Oh, but you noticed that all was not right, didn’t you? You saw that he was struggling, saw the fake smiles, the pain in his eyes and in his body language. You saw how much weight he lost, and how mean, downright cruel the others were to him every now and then, and you kept mum. Looked to other way. Ignored the problem. It would go away, right? They would stop. After all, he knows that they don’t mean it, doesn’t he?_

_Well, apparently, he didn’t know that._

He burrowed his face in his crossed arms, trying to block out the voice. His eyes stung, but he had simply no more tears left to cry. The coffee cup sat beside him on the kitchen isle where he’d slumped down after brewing it. Ignored. Forgotten. _Just like Junmyeon._

Maybe he should wake up Luhan.

Any distraction from his thoughts (the guilt) would be appreciated at this point, but if he were to be honest (and he should be, at least with himself), he really wanted his old friend here with him now. They hadn’t talked much these last few years (not that Luhan hadn’t tried, but he himself had simply been too hurt, too angry at the other). But he’d needed to talk to somebody, when the pain from Junmyeon’s death had been too fresh, too raw, too terrible to endure alone. Had longed for the familiar comfort that Luhan had always so readily provided him with. So, he’d called him under the pretext that their estranged family (because that’s what they were, at heart) should know what had happened as well. After all, they had the right to mourn Junmyeon too and to say their goodbyes at his funeral.

_Right, that’s why you only called Luhan. Why, didn’t Yifan say he had to hear it from the news? Quite forgot about him there for a bit, didn’t you? So much so for being honest with yourself…_

…

Okay.

Maybe he’d broken down and simply wanted his Lulu to come and wrap him up in his arms once again. Maybe he’d wanted to be protected from a reality he hadn’t been able to face alone (still wasn’t able to… might never be able to…). Maybe-

_Yes, we know. You missed Luhan, and where ooooh sooo sad by your lonesome, but how do you think Junmyeon must have felt!? Luhan left him too, and so did Yifan and Zitao, and you guys basically abandoned him as well. He was all alone, and sad, and in pain, and lonely, and-_

With a pitiful whimper he clamped his hands over his ears in a futile attempt to block out the spiteful voice inside his head.

_Stop! Please, somebody, anybody, make it stop!_

The ear-splitting crash the sliding door made upon being shoved open with full force seemed like a blessing at this moment (even though he also only felt seconds away from a heart attack).  Minseok quickly whipped his head up and stared in shock at a thoroughly drenched Chanyeol, who was protectively clutching a white … _something_ to his chest and wheezing from his apparent sprint in the cold winter air.

“Chanyeol!? What were you doing out there at this hour, you almost gave me a heart-!”

“He was drowning, and I couldn’t … I needed to help, I-!”

His explanation was lost on Minseok. The speed, the stutter from the cold, the frantic gestures, as well as the realisation that the mud stains Chanyeol tracked all over the carpet would probably be permanent, proved altogether too distracting for his guilt (and sleep) ridden brain. Only his quick reflexes saved his mug from being destroyed by Chanyeol’s wild gesturing arm as he practically shoved the white thing – _Is that a bunny!?_ – in his face. The poor thing looked just as startled as Minseok felt now that it was unceremoniously dumped on the kitchen island and away from the warmth its saviour had been providing it with.

Chanyeol was still frantically rambling and gesturing, but his hyung’s attention was solely on the violently shaking creature that was huddled on his kitchen island. It was drenched, freezing cold and obviously in bad shape. Minseok cautiously wrapped his hands around the bunny, trying to comfort it without spooking it too much. The rabbit thankfully didn’t seem too terrified by his touch, even snuggling into his hands for warmth, but it was obviously emaciated and most likely in acute danger of hypothermia.

Well, he’d asked for a distraction, but this was certainly a bit much, especially for such an early hour.

Minseok quickly grabbed a nearby kitchen towel and carefully began to towel down the bunny. Chanyeol, having tired himself out, had slumped into one of the seats opposite his hyung and worriedly watched him work. “Where did you find him?” “At the river near our cabin … er, well, **in **the river, really, and he was about to drown, and, and I couldn’t-, I just couldn’t let that happen! Not after … not after Junmyeon-hung…” Chanyeol’s voice broke and both quickly looked away from each other, trying to suppress the intense emotional pain the mere mention of their friends name brought them. The bunny’s ears gave a quick, alerted twitch at the name, but it kept calm and only nudged Minseok’s hands slightly when the rubbing didn’t proceed fast enough for its taste. They both chuckled weakly at the silent command. “What if he won’t make it? He’s so tiny and weak, what if-?” “He’ll make it, don’t worry. He seems feisty enough to me,” the apparently affirmative squeak that immediately followed Minseok’s statement made both of them laugh quietly.

“Hyung?”

“Hm?”

“Can we please keep him?”

Minseok was hesitant. Yes, some of them were already pet owners, but none of them had ever cared for a rabbit before (to his knowledge at least) and with their current situation and all, well, …

Looking up, he found himself the target of not one but two pairs of puppy dog eyes (how was the rabbit doing that!?), silently begging him to say 'Yes'. Yeah, he knew when he’d lost.

_Guess we’re adopting the bunny after all. Hopefully, Vivi and the others won’t try to eat him._


End file.
